A mild answer breaks wrath: but a harsh word stirs up fury. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge: but the mouth of fools bubbles out folly. Proverbs 15:1-2 DRV
A peaceable tongue is a tree of life: but that which is immoderate shall crush the spirit. - Proverbs 15:4 DRV
Here, take a moment with me to reflect on that passage.
I read this today as I was going through my bible study (The Bible In A Year with Fr. Mike Schmitz Youtube or Podcast) day 232. He did not focus on the verse in his reflection yet, it stuck out to me. The saying goes choose your words wisely, because once said they can only be forgiven not forgotten. How many of us have abused others (and even ourselves) with words? I can be the first to say: I'm guilty of that. And so, this verse speaks to me.
I have spent the last couple of months reflecting on my life, my actions, who I am and who I want to be. What kind of life I want to live, what I want to be seen as, and so forth... in short, I have spent the last couple of months self-reflecting. I feel the term 'self-care' has been grossly used these days, so I avoid using in, but I guess that's what I have done. Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend has been recommended to me by a number of different people, and so I decided to read it. Let's just say: anyone over the age of 18 needs to read this (and multiple times). It can definitely be beneficial for all stages of life.
So, in my time of self-reflection, I have thought of the words people use. It's no wonder gossip is one of the seven deadly sins. I've been hurt by peoples words, their comments on me, my choices, and my life. I've cried over them, believed them, and spent much time pondering them. And I must say, none of it did me any good. I don't want to start putting blame on others, and so I thought of my own self. If other's words affected me and broke me so much, imagine what my own words have done. We make passive comments, or a quick snap not even thinking what that might do to someone.
Imagine being down, and someone makes a comment that your outfit doesn't match... day is ruined. But think, if that person had said nothing or even complimented you, your mood would have shifted. It's so easy to see the bad in people, to see where they're doing wrong, where they've messed up and to call them out on it. But, look inward. Look at yourself. Nobody's perfect (as Hannah Montana tells us). We've all made mistakes. We've all made choices we regret. What's the use in focusing on those for ever? What kind of life is it to always focus on your negative qualities and choices?
And so, as God says in the Bible... "a peaceable tongue is a tree of life". You can be that tree of life. You can choose your words wisely and bring life to others. I am in no means perfect at it, but it has been my focus. I was hurt by words... I questioned everything. I became depressed in the ideal others had of/for me. I compared myself to others (still do, big struggle I have). I was saddened, hurt. I felt heartbroken and like a failure. But I can't live like that. So, rather than dwell on others opinions, I decided to make a choice. I can't expect others to change, but I can change and I can be an example. Using my words wisely. God has given me the ability to write and speak well, so I must use that talent to give glory to Him and that begins with having "a peaceable tongue". Speak kindly to and about myself. Speak kindly to and about others.
If you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.
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