Worry is useless.
So often I find myself feeling anxious. Anxious about the next step, about what’s going to happen, about what could happen, and so forth. My mind wanders like crazy and is filled with thoughts – some realistic, while others are almost ridiculous. I worry so much about the future. About what it will hold for me and those around me. I worry about how things will work out. And I stress over how I will make it happen.
I’ve spent so much time planning my life, writing down my goals and my steps to achieve them; yet, time after time, I would crumple that piece of paper and start over. I would pour my frustrations out to a friend, a sister, spiritual director, or my parents over another dream that failed. Of another plan that just simply “won’t work”. I’d wonder “what am I supposed to do? Why does this happen to me? Why is it that everything falls apart in my life.”
I don’t completely blame myself for it – it is a struggle for many. I can’t say my tears were in vain, but my faith was lacking. I spent so much time trying to control my life. Control my future. My plans. My goals. But they were all mine. I would pray and ask God but my prayers were full of asking Him to make it happen, of “Lord, let this job be it” or “help me get into this program”. Rarely would I ask for His will.
Over a year ago, I was seeking advice from our good priest, and I told him “I’ve tried so many things. I’ve worked so hard, but everything falls through. I can’t not do anything, but what am I supposed to do when everything falls apart?” And he told me quite frankly,
You have to let go and let God take care of it.
I held the reins to my life so tightly that God couldn‘t lead me. I was so set in my way that I couldn’t see His plans for me. I tried so hard to check off the boxes of the perfect life, while leading myself to heartbreak and disappointment. I couldn’t see pass the end of my nose; I couldn’t see that something greater was out there. And, as I began to loosen the reins, things began to fall into place. As I let go of my ideals, my plans, my goals, God gave me goals, plans and lead me in ways I never could’ve imagined.
They say His plans are better than ours, that He knows best and oh what truth! But it is a daily commitment of learning and growing; of trusting and waiting. My life isn’t perfect. My anxieties aren’t history, But, my faith is stronger. I know peace in knowing and trusting that God's got this. It is a leap of faith – it takes a lot of trust – but there are no regrets.
Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayers. - Padre Pio
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